Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love You Bear

bear string
Love You Bear - I Want One Of Those
It's a sure fire heart-melter, and is high on 'romance factor' whilst being low on effort and wallet or purse strain. This adorable little bear comes in a rose-red gift box, and is attached to 7 metres of heart-studded satin ribbon. You simply hide the bear (under the bed is a good spot), and lay the ribbon out through your house or flat. Your aggrieved (or possibly expectant - you never know your luck) loved one comes home, finds the end of the ribbon and follows the hearts, ending up at the cute and eminently cuddleable bear. Heart melts, all is forgiven, job done.

All right ladies, move along this is a men's only article. You can go and read the Naughty Nads Bikini Wax ladies only article I did a while back.

All the ladies gone? Good.

All right, sorry for sitting on this one past Valentines Day, but I found it so I got to use it first. However, there were a couple of little problems. One, even though I found this on the first of February the shipping would be very tight since IWOOT is located in England. Two, The Wife isn't a big fan of stuffed animals. Sure, it would have worked anyway, but I would have felt bad saddling her with some dopey stuffed animal she didn't really want. So, what to do?

Well, I pondered for a while. That hurt. So I stopped pondering and started complaining.

"Stupid bear on a fucking rope. The Wife don't like stupid bears. The Wife like rope but no bear. Why don't those limey tossers put a bloody rope on a bloody card or bloody candy? Stupid buggers! All you have to do is tie a bloody ribbon to a card or something...."

And then and idea of such brilliance struck me that I actually stopped ranting (an incredibly rare occurrence I assure you). You could tie them ribbon thingies to anything!

You want the bear, fine go order the bear. Your lady don't like the stuffed animals? No problem. Go to your local craft store and buy a spool of nice ribbon (not that cheap plastic shit, a fabric one. Trust me they can tell) and tie it to something nice. I opted for a card (what can I say, The Wife ain't into material stuff).

What's that you say? The ribbon thing is good, but it needs a little extra something. No problem. While you are at the local craft store. Look for a box of synthetic rose petals. I picked up a box for about $10. Sprinkle liberally.

Does it work? Is it worth a trip to one of them smelly old lady filled craft store? Yes and yes. Trust me gentlemen this is a no brainer.

Just remember, when your lady gets all mushy and whatnot, make sure to thank the Light.


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